Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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