They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize