I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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