4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize