Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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