Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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