thus making me awesome and them whores
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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