He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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