We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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