You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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