Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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