I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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