It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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