I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize