I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize