even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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