Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize