if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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