Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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