I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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