I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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