I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize