david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize