Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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