My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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