Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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