smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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