I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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