You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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