i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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