upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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