i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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