my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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