mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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