So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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