the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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