I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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