i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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