I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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