Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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