I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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