woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize