I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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