I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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