i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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