I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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