I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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