So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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