I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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