i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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